Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.
- Alfred Hitchcock
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There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
- Josh Billings
They did that little thing on South Park, and they mentioned my name and had a character of me judging a Halloween contest. It was really funny.That made me the coolest aunt on earth.
- Tina Yothers
I show them the funny part, the silly part, the laughing part, the crazy part and then the really deep, deep part where I'm talking from my heart to these people. Because I've been through everything they've been through.
- Richard Simmons
Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names.
- Shigeru Miyamoto
Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime.
- Red Skelton
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
- Joan Rivers
People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'
- Al Yankovic
Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.
- Graham Norton