We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.
- Calvin Trillin
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I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
- David Lee Roth
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry A. Kissinger
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra
I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat.
- Paris Hilton
It's funny, but you get to a time in your life when you think you have all the friends you will ever have.
- Liam Neeson
Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
- Zach Galifianakis
So often, I read scripts and am like, 'This would never happen in real life. It's not trying to be funny. It's trying to be serious.'
- Shailene Woodley
I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.
- Charlie Sheen