It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
- Dave Barry
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Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
- Norm MacDonald
Sometimes you have to take the focus off of you and put it on someone else and it's funny what you can accomplish and how much strength you really have.
- Hoda Kotb
If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
- Woody Allen
You're only as good as your last haircut.
- Fran Lebowitz
It's funny how the hippies and the punks tried to get rid of the conservatives but they always seem to get the upper hand in the end.
It's a funny thing: You want so badly for people to see what you do - you're proud of it - and I like the effect that movies have on people. But the attention can also make me uncomfortable.
- Kristen Stewart
Most of the gaffes I've made have not been funny - they've been stupid.
- Jim Lehrer