The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
- Jerry Seinfeld
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When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
- Jane Wagner
It's a funny thing the less people have to live for the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing.
- Zora Neale Hurston
Never floss with a stranger.
- Joan Rivers
I got to dress up in funny clothes and run around New Zealand with a bow and arrow for 18 months, how bad could that be?
- Orlando Bloom
Kyle Baker's work is really funny, but it's also got a very clear vision.
- Bill Sienkiewicz
Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
- Rob Corddry
I feel cheesy when I see 'Silver Spoons.' Some of it was funny, but some of it was just cheese! My kids love it, but I look at it and cringe.
- Ricky Schroder
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
- George Burns