I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out.
- Margaret Cho
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres
Billy is a funny, cheeky, lovely boy and I love being with him. Parenthood is terrifying though. I can barely walk past a building without panicking that it's going to collapse on his head.
- Rufus Sewell
It's funny, though, with films, because you can incorporate a variety of elements, and sometimes that can work for you and sometimes I think it can work against you.
- Guy Pearce
What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating.
- Scott Hamilton
If you can find the line between sympathetic and creepy, you have reached a very funny area.
- Jason Segel
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
I got to dress up in funny clothes and run around New Zealand with a bow and arrow for 18 months, how bad could that be?
- Orlando Bloom
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
- William Lyon Phelps