People don't want to listen to a celebrity tweeting about their charities and shows. That's why comedy writers do well - we put out little funny ideas.
- Mindy Kaling
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Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
- Robert Orben
For a Catholic kid in parochial school, the only way to survive the beatings - by classmates, not the nuns - was to be the funny guy.
- George A. Romero
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
- Mitch Hedberg
I think the pattern of my essays is, A funny thing happened to me on my way through Finnegans Wake.
- Leslie Fiedler
You need to be silly to be funny.
- William Shatner
You can't be funny if you don't have good material.
- Matt LeBlanc
Also, in a funny way, if you have been happily married there are no unresolved areas, nothing to prove to yourself after the other dies.
- Nigella Lawson
Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons.
- Michael Caine