People don't want to listen to a celebrity tweeting about their charities and shows. That's why comedy writers do well - we put out little funny ideas.
- Mindy Kaling
Read this quote in:
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
- Mitch Hedberg
I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.
- Arthur Conan Doyle
My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration.
- Mike Myers
The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds of it not being funny.
- Steve Coogan
It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
- Adam Carolla
At school I was very shy. I wasn't funny really.
- Michel Gondry
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.
- Sarah Silverman