All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
- Mitch Hedberg
Read this quote in:
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
- Yogi Berra
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry A. Kissinger
I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war with Banana Republic... That to me was funny.
- Christopher Meloni
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
- Clint Eastwood
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
- Woody Allen
Most of my ideas just come out funny.
- Tim Heidecker
I wasn't even 20 at the time but it taught me something about drugs. They can take a good man a warm funny loving family man and turn him into a loser and worse.
- Michael Bergin
Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.
- Jeff Ross