When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
- Richard Lewis
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Also, in a funny way, if you have been happily married there are no unresolved areas, nothing to prove to yourself after the other dies.
- Nigella Lawson
When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
- David Brenner
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
You need to be silly to be funny.
- William Shatner
Hollywood's just not funny.
- Chris Rock
Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown.
- Fanny Brice
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
- Mitch Hedberg
I think one of the basic tasks in life - one of the nice things we can do for each other - is to take things that are horrible and scary and make them acceptable and less frightening and, if possible, funny. It feels great to succeed at that.
- Julia Sweeney