Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- Robin Williams
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I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.
- Dave Chappelle
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
- Laurence J. Peter
I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.
- Paula Poundstone
I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.
- Charlie Sheen
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
- Bill Cosby
When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government, the fundamentalists say that we and the Bush Administration are in the same camp. The funny thing is that human rights activists and Mr. Bush can never be situated in the same group.
- Shirin Ebadi
The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.
- Jo Brand
I bought some batteries but they weren't included.
- Steven Wright