You know, you can touch a stick of dynamite, but if you touch a venomous snake it'll turn around and bite you and kill you so fast it's not even funny.
- Steve Irwin
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Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.
- Jimmy Fallon
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
- Lewis Mumford
We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.
- Calvin Trillin
Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.
- John Krasinski
You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.
- Denis Leary
It's funny that all these goths paint their faces with such white make-up and that is the actual colour of my skin, I am that pale!
- Kelly Osbourne
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
I got the wake-up call that no one is policing our oceans. I wondered, how can I do anything? What really can I do to make things better? There are some perks to being a celebrity. My job is to be funny once in a while, but it's my responsibility to make good use of it.
- Angela Kinsey