I'm always in situations where you can't be funny, and yet I want to do it anyway.
- Tim Heidecker
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I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.
- Craig Ferguson
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
- Henny Youngman
Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.
- Caroline Rhea
Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.
- Arthur Smith
It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.
- Gertrude Stein
It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
- Johnny Vegas
We live in a funny time. If you don't go corporate, you can't compete. You're relegated as irrelevant. People used to admire that.
- Ethan Hawke
It's only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I'm skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I'm big, when I was big, I never thought about it.
- Karl Lagerfeld