It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music.
- Tom Petty
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
- Dane Cook
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
- Joan Rivers
Jon Stewart hires people that he thinks are funny. That's it. That's the only requirement.
- Olivia Munn
Jim Carrey, a comic genius, has a harder time overcoming the public's desire for him to be funny simply because he's so good at it.
- Ben Stiller
Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.
- George Orwell
I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking.
- Lynda Barry
Be obscure clearly.
- E. B. White
I love weird or funny or beautiful sentences Joy Williams could write a microwave-oven manual and I'm sure I'd love it, because the sentences would be tuned up like music.
- Karen Russell