I like children - fried.
- W. C. Fields
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You see much more of your children once they leave home.
- Lucille Ball
You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.
- Colin Quinn
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
- Joe E. Lewis
I'm always in situations where you can't be funny, and yet I want to do it anyway.
- Tim Heidecker
I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up.
- Lynda Barry
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
- Woody Allen
When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
- Jane Wagner
It is funny what a year can do.
- Victor Cruz