I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
- Woody Allen
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You know what? I never really factor Hollywood into anything. I'm a black actor, so I can't really control what Hollywood thinks. I gotta go do my thing, and my jokes have got to be funny. Whatever I do has got to be great.
- Jamie Foxx
I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host.
- David Letterman
Our records if you have a dark sense of humor were funny but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests fantasy confrontation and all that.
- Ice Cube
Great, big, serious novels always get awards. If it's a battle between a great, big, serious novel and a funny novel, the funny novel is doomed.
- Neil Gaiman
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
- Mitch Hedberg
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a form of service journalism. To be successful, I think it has to be a combination of a good story, it has to be funny, and it also needs to be packed with useful information.
- Ted Allen
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
- Charles M. Schulz
It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.
- Joe Rogan