I don't mean to be funny.
- Yogi Berra
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Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.
- Jeff Ross
The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
- Bertrand Russell
Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids.
- Jack Black
It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to.
- J. D. Salinger
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
- Mae West
Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.
- Laurence J. Peter
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
- Mitch Hedberg
You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.
- Colin Quinn